Due South is the property of Alliance. No copyright infringement is 
intended.

A little sappy, maybe some hurt/comfort.  Rated G. It takes place 
during Letting Go, after Ray gets shot and before the end of the 
episode. 
 
This one is even worse than 'Home.' Fair warning.


*** 


All That I Deserve... 

 
He awoke to darkness and pain and a sudden overwhelming panic. 
 
Nightmare images haunted him and he gasped for air as if he hadn't 
taken a breath in years. He struggled for a moment, pulling against 
the restraints that held him down, not hearing the soft voice next to 
his ear, gently soothing him. "Hush, it's okay. You're all right. 
Shhhh." 
 
"Benny?" His voice came out hoarse and his throat was painfully 
dry. He coughed. 
 
"It's me. Hold on, I'll get you some water." He heard the sound of 
Benny's wheelchair moving accross the room, then the sound of 
running water. Benny returned in just a moment, slipping one hand 
behind Ray's neck, lifting his head slightly, while the other held a 
cup of water to his lips. Ray took a few sips, just enough to ease his 
thirst before leaning back. Even the slight movement required made 
his head spin. 
 
Ben placed the cup of water on the night table. "Are you okay?" he 
asked softly. "How does your shoulder feel?" 
 
"Like hell," Ray whispered. "What time is it?" 
 
"Almost midnight," Ben replied. "You gave us all quite a scare," he 
chided lightly. "You really worried your family." 
 
"Ma and Frannie were here?" 
 
"They left several hours ago, once the doctors assured us you'd be all 
right. They said they'd be back first thing tomorrow." A slight laugh 
entered his voice. "Francesca said to tell you that she was going to 
make a special dinner just for you when you got back." 
 
"Oh God," Ray moaned. "I'll be back in the hospital as soon as I 
leave it." 
 
There was silence for a while and Ray felt himself slipping back into 
sleep. 
 
"Why did you do it?" Ben's voice was sudden and a little sharp. 
 
Ray almost laughed, but not from amusement. Ben honestly sounded 
curious, as if he couldn't possibly imagine what had been going 
through his friend's mind. Ray wasn't all that sure himself. 
 
"I couldn't let her hurt you." Ray suprised himslef by saying it. It 
was true though. "You never told me how much pain you were in, 
but I talked to the doctors. I know how close you came to dying 
because of what I did. And I may not know much about medecine, 
but I knew that the shock from being shot again while you were still 
so weak could kill you. I couldn't let that happen." He smiled 
bitterly. "Maybe, this'll help make up for it, huh?" 
 
"You have nothing to make up for," Ben said, not having to ask 
what 'it' was. "You were doing your job. You couldn't have known." 
The discussion left Ray tired, and oddly relaxed. He closed his eyes 
and lay back against the pillow. "I know that, Benny. But, I don't 
think I'll ever really believe it. You're my best friend, Benny. I'd die 
for you. This was the least I could do."  
 
"It was more than you had to do," Ben said. "And more than I 
deserved." 
 
"You deserve more than you think," Ray replied, his voice slurred 
slightly by sleep. Ben listened as his friend drifted back into sleep, 
more relaxed this time. He wrapped his friend's hand in one of his 
own. "And so do you," he whispered softly. "Much more." 


***