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This story is the property of the owner.
Warning: This story contains shounen ai, a m/m relationship. If you don't like it don't read it. Rated PG.
Foreverafter
The quiet of darkness, unbroken by movement. The room hung in an expectant shroud of silent tension, as if the air itself was awaiting some grand and momentous thing. The small room was filled with the same still hush that preceded all great things, be they sports victories, car accidents or miracles from heaven. The former two were somewhat unlikely to occur within the secure walls of a government hospital.
Blue eyes gazed up at a plain white ceiling, seeing more than tiles. Hidden behind years of pain and a haze of exhaustion danced the memories of a time years past. If one were there too look, in an unguarded moment, they might see the spark of life, the glint of emotion that shone in the wake of these memories. They might see the gentle revival of a soul that had ceased to live outside a brief period of time. Those who knew to look might even have see a shy and gentle fourteen year old boy smile back at them from behind the eyes of an embittered and devastated twenty year old.
There was a click of a lock turning, the quiet squeak of a door opening on hinges that had been neglected just a little too long. Steady footsteps entered quietly and approached the bed. Without moving the rest of his body, the blue eyes flickered over to glance at the visitor.
Another young man, about the same age as he, smiled down at him from behind wire-rimmed glasses. A sandy blond curl fell in front of his eyes and he brushed it away absently, looking away toward the door before sitting in the chair beside the bed. "Ohayo, Shinji."
Ikari Shinji lacked even the strength to reply, but he smiled at his old friend before his eyes drifted back to the ceiling. They no longer saw the past, only the scars and dust of time that covered the tile. Somewhere, deep in his mind, he wondered what could cause scars in the ceiling, what would hit the top of a room ten feet high, until he realized he didn't care and closed his eyes.
The young man sitting beside him wasn't discouraged by his lack of apparent interest; six years of friendship had taught him nothing so well as how to get Shinji to do what he thought was best for him. From almost the moment they first met, Aida Kensuke had decided he knew what was best for Shinji, and so far he had yet to be that far off the mark. For a long time, he had been the only voice of reason in Shinji's life, the only thing anchoring him to sanity and pulling him back into the light when the darkness became too comfortable.
The only thing that held at bay the memories of a sunset glinting off silver hair and the reflection of the surf in rose-red eyes.
The quiet pang of pain was back, echoing through Shinji's heart. He sighed and felt the tears, held back where they couldn't give away his weakness or his grief. Safely hidden, they were his and his alone, the only secrets he had in this world, the only things that were truly his.
A sad smile tugged at his lips. His sole possession in the world; his grief for the memory of a quiet night in a small apartment, whispered words, and a desperate goodbye on an abandoned beach drenched with the red and gold of the sunset. How pathetic.
He'd die before giving it up, though.
Kensuke's voice was a pleasant flow of sounds tugging at the edge of his awareness. He wasn't quite awake enough to make out the words, and he wasn't interested enough to try. Hearing Kensuke's voice, knowing he was there, that was the important part. What he actually said... Shinji didn't care about that part and he knew Kensuke knew. It didn't matter in the long run. For a bit longer than Shinji cared to remember, things had been just like this; he lost in the silence of his mind, Kensuke offering the comfort of his presence and friendship with no strings attached. How long, exactly? Shinji tried to remember, but it was lost. His memories were mostly a haze of indistinct events, people, places. He remembered a sudden pain, panic in the eyes of those around him - who had they been? He didn't know, he saw only their eyes, wide and shocked - the pain in his side as he fell to the floor, then waking here, where he'd been ever since. He supposed whatever had happened to him, it had been serious. Maybe, he was even waiting to die... Was that why Kensuke seemed to be coming more often lately? Or was that his memory fading again?
It didn't matter anymore anyway.
He sighed and let his mind drift further. In his dreams he lay on a moonlit beach, his back chilled by the wind off the ocean, the rest of him warmed by the presence of his lover. The sand was a gritty roughness against his bare skin, his lover's skin the smoothest silk in comparison. He yawned and stretched, feeling so at peace, so safe. The pain was gone, the tiredness was gone... His dreams felt like heaven.
A kiss was pressed to the top of his head and a warm breath whispered past his ear. "Are you cold, Shin-chan?"
"No," Shinji murmured sleepily. "You're warm."
His lover laughed, like Christmas bells or church chimes. "You're tired, Shinji. Why don't you sleep for a while?"
"Iie." Shinji tightened his arms sleepily. "I want to stay awake while you're here."
"You're tired. I can tell just by looking at you."
"I'm always tired. I'll sleep when you've gone again."
A quiet sigh and a murmur of acquiescence. "Aa. Stay with me then."
"Kaoru..."
A hand drifted down his back, too firm to tickle, too gentle to arouse, just a calming movement meant to soothe and pleasure. Another hand tangled through his hair, combing it with long fingers. Shinji smiled against Kaoru's chest. "I don't want you to go again."
Kaoru was silent as he continued to run his hand through Shinji's hair. Then, "I've never really left you, itooshi."
"I know." And he did. Even in his darkest moments. Kaoru's presence was the bittersweet agony of his memories, the painful joy of the echoes of love in his heart. Those were the only things he'd always known would be with him forever, and were therefore his most cherished possessions. "I know. You promised. "Itsu mo."
"Forever," Kaoru echoed softly. He bent his head and kissed Shinji's forehead. "Look at me, koi."
Shinji raised his head, eyes meeting the red-rose gaze of his lover. "Kuru-kun?"
"Ai shiteiru," Kaoru breathed before taking Shinji's lips in a long, breath stealing kiss.
For an endless infinity they lay together in a tangle of arms and legs, locked together in a series of soul-deep kisses.
Shinji felt something, deep inside, stir, strain-
he froze, eyes widening as he clutched at Kaoru
-snap.
He shuddered, feeling a resonance clear through to his soul. He broke away from Kaoru and gasped for breath, even as his lover's arms tightened around him.
"Shinji-kun?" Kaoru looked down at him, and Shinji was shocked to see tears gathered at the corners of his eyes and run down his cheeks, faint rivers on skin the color of cream. He raised a hand and brushed the wetness from one satin smooth cheek. "Kuru? What's wrong?"
Kaoru shook his head. "Nothing's wrong, Shin-chan. I promise you, everything is all right."
"Why are you crying?" Shinji asked quietly.
In reply, Kaoru leaned forward for a quick kiss, then pulled away and stood. He held out a hand to Shinji, silently asking him to follow. Shinji accepted the offered hand and allowed Kaoru to pull him to his feet. Kaoru wrapped his arms around Shinji, pulling them tightly together. "Look," he whispered softly, one hand brushing against Shinji's cheek, encouraging him to turn his head. "Look."
Shinji turned. And saw himself lying in the hospital bed that had been his home for so long.
His eyes were shut.
Kensuke stood beside the bed, hands curled into fists on the railing. A sad smile flitted across his face before disappearing. "Oyasumi, Shinji," he said. Slowly, his hands unclenched. He turned and walked to the door, standing aside as a team of medics rushed in. He looked back only once, smiling a real smile this time. "If you see the others," he whispered, so that the others wouldn't hear, "send my wishes." He opened the door and vanished.
Shinji turned wide eyes to Kaoru, leaving behind him the sight of doctors and nurses swarming over his lifeless body. "have I... Kaoru-"
"Hai." Kaoru watched him silently, concern etched on his face.
Shinji reached up with one hand, rubbing his thumb against the curve of his lover's brow. "Does this mean I get to stay? I don't have to leave this time?" Tears pricked at his eyes even as a wide smile spread across his face. "I can stay here with you? Forever?"
"Forever, koi. Here, there's nothing left to stand between us."
Shinji buried his face against Kaoru's shoulder and felt the pulse of emotion that raced through him like the frantic beating of a heart. He hugged him tightly, raising his face to his lover's for a kiss. Kaoru's hand tangled through his hair as they sank back down to the ground.
"Itsu mo." Shinji whispered against his angel's lips.
owari
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