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Note: More angst. What else is new? <g>
Note2: You may want to read Meditation and Brotherhood before this. It’ll make it a little easier to understand.
Summary: Duke observes the conflict between Dive and Wildwing.
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You’re not blind, Wildwing.
You’re a kid. A leader. A soldier. A brother, a friend, a refugee, a lot of things. But you’ve never been blind.
Neither am I. I’ve been watching you, you know. It’s not an easy thing to do, figuring the motivation of a man who wears a mask day after day, but I manage. I’m good, Wildwing. I’m better at seeing than you are at hiding. Masks won’t stop me, they just make me curious.
You’re not so good at hiding, anyway.
You’re scared, aren’t you? Terrified if I can read you worth a damn, and I think I can. Here’s news, kid. We’re all scared.
I know where you’re coming from, more that you might think I do. I know a lot of your story. Surprised? Don’t be. You knew he’d tell me this stuff, suspected it at the very least. He’s gotta tell someone, talk to someone, and you’re making sure it isn’t you.
I know what you’ve lost, what you’ve managed to hold on to. Kicking and screaming, you held on for seventeen years, when no one could have blamed you for letting go. After all that, now, you’ve suddenly decided you’re giving up? Bullshit.
You’ve got some reason for this, don’t you? Some plan. Letting him go? Why, so it won’t hurt as much when the odds catch up with him and he dies? I don’t believe it. I know you remember? You’re not doing this to protect yourself. He dies, you die. Inside, at the very least and I don’t think anything would change that. So. Protecting him then? Trying to wean him away from you? Yeah. That’ll work. What I said about you works for him as well and you know it. No matter how much you try to distance yourself, to push him away, he’s still going to care about you. Trying to convince him you’re not what he needs isn’t going to be enough.
Need or not, you’ll still be the one he wants. Not me. Good try though.
You have to know it’s not working the way you planned. You going to pull the plug on this farce? Give up on this idea that you can help him by leaving him? You need to. You have to. Listen up here, Wing, cause this is the first and last time I’ll ever say this.
I’m not good enough.
He’s hurting in ways I don’t know and can’t begin to understand. I don’t know how he’s made it this far without breaking. He’s a damn strong kid. You know that, I can see the pride in your eyes whenever you look at him. But he’s not invincible and he’s been through a lot. He’s claustrophobic, did you know that? A leftover from his time in the mines. He doesn’t sleep during the day because he has nightmares and he’s embarrassed, afraid he might wake up screaming.
He’s seventeen years old and he’s scared to sleep, Wing, and you’re the only one who can convince him he’s safe.
I talked him away from the edge, threw him a line, offered him a hand, and he took it. I’m his friend, but I’m not your replacement, and I refuse to insult him by even pretending I am. He needs you and he thinks he’s losing you. He looks up to you, loves you, and he thinks he’s let you down.
Do you think I can even begin to make up for that?
I love him too, like the brother I should have had, and I’m watching him disappear. He’s tired, hurt and alone. And he’s just a kid, no matter how strong he is.
I envy you like hell, I’d give my good eye for a brother like you have. I’d give my sword arm to be needed by someone that way. And you’re just giving it up. For his own good.
Right.
You know he’s fading. Open your eyes, Wildwing. You’re only blind when you want to be, when you refuse to see. Me, I’m never blind, and I can see what you refuse to.
He’s not the only one who’s fading.
The shadows in your eyes are there for anyone to see.
Take that damn mask off and go to him. And hurry.
Continued in Beyond Brotherhood
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