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This story is the property of the owner.
This story deals with a m/m relationship. If you don't like it, don't read it.
Warning: Massive spoilers for Neon Genesis Evangelion.
This one's for Nicole, who bugged me that she couldn't find any Shinji/Kaworu fanfic online.
A Moment's Respite
The room was silent but for the sound of their breathing.
Kaworu lay silently, content beyond words to merely lie still and feel the warmth of the body pressed against his own, the beat of the heart beneath his hand, the soft exhalations of breath against his neck. Almost of its own volition, one hand drifted up to rest against the soft hair, stroking gently.
I love you, he thought, feeling a pain in his chest as he whispered the words in his mind. In such a short time, he'd already become used to the tearing he felt in his heart whenever he considered just what he would lose. I love you, more than I will ever be able to say.
He closed his eyes against the pain, against the thoughts of the future. Tomorrow. Tonight was theirs and he wouldn't let anyone, not even himself, take that away from them. He knew, in his heart, that this would never happen again. Their first night would be their last, and he would go on, never to hold his love in his arms again.
Perhaps it was a good thing that he could see his death coming. Better that than to live for decades more without this simple joy. Maybe I'll sleep until it's time for you to join me, he thought drowsily at his sleeping lover. Will you wake me with a kiss?
Their love was real. Quickly born and flared with desperate passion, but real, and lasting. Love that could be felt in the deepest chasms of his heart and the furthest recesses of his mind. There was nothing in him any longer that had not in some way changed to bear the mark of his love. He smiled and pressed his hand firmly against his lover's chest, feeling the heart beating beneath his palm, firm and steady and perfectly in unison with his own. He had been earnestly serious when he said they'd been made for each other. If only you hadn't been born human...
He shook his head once, a sudden, abrupt motion. Iie. None of this was your fault. If the circumstances of our birth are to blame, then let the fault be mine. I can't blame you for any of this, not even for an instant. He tightened his hold on the boy beside him and pressed his face against his thick hair. "Gomen ne," he whispered softly. "I didn't mean it. It's never your fault, itooshi, no matter what happens."
"Kuru?" Sleepy brown eyes peered up at him. "Doushita No?"
"Hush, Shin-chan." He couldn't resist how delightfully adorable Shinji looked when he was tousled and half asleep. "Daijoubu. Go back to sleep." He brushed a kiss across his lover's forehead. Shinji smiled a sleepy smile and burrowed against his side, asleep again almost immediately. Kaworu felt his heart melt at the show of trust. Whatever had he done to deserve this precious gift? He must have been a saint in a previous life. In several previous lives. He could only pray that the life he was leading now wouldn't destroy his karma completely and drive Shinji away from him.
Shinjinai! It couldn't happen, it wouldn't happen.
"I won't let it happen," Kaworu whispered softly. "I'll hold on to you forever, itooshi." He kissed Shinji, sealing his vow.
"I only pray, that when you know the truth, you won't let me go."
owari
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