The Mighty Ducks and all related characters are the property 
of Disney Corporations. 

This story and all original characters are the property of the 
author.

Author's Note: This takes place immediately following "Those 
We Left Behind."
________

Would If I Could


"Is there anything you regret?" Duke asked suddenly. 
"Something you never said or did because you always thought 
there would be time to do it later but when later came..."

Tanya shook herself slightly as she realized she was 
eavesdropping. She turned her attention back to the Migrator's 
console, keeping an eye on things in case something went 
wrong. Ordinarily she wouldn't have bothered, but after the 
disaster with the Mega-Migrator, she was feeling a little 
paranoid.

Beside her, in the driver's seat, Grin kept his eyes on the road, 
trying to avoid most of the potholes and bad sections of road. 
For the most part the interior of the Migrator was silent except 
for the soft rumble of the engines and the murmured 
conversation between Duke and Mallory. Tanya briefly 
considered turning on the radio or CD player; she knew for a 
fact that Dive had gone on an 'oldies' kick a few weeks back 
and that there were a few decent CDs around somewhere. But 
the quiet coming from the back, combined with the fact that 
Tanya had never known Nosedive to go so long without 
making *some* kind of noise, convinced her that at least one 
of her teammates were asleep. After the day they'd just had she 
was more than sympathetic to their fatigue and reluctant to do 
anything to wake them. They'd be back at the Pond soon 
enough, anyway. Still, she made a mental note to find a pair of 
headphones to keep in the Migrator for just that purpose. She 
could have sworn there was a pair in here already, but not 
where she'd left them. She'd have to ask Dive about that when 
they got home.

"Is there anything you regret?"

Tanya looked up when she heard Duke's voice repeating the 
question. She was confused for a second, wondering why he 
had repeated himself, before she realized no one had actually 
spoke. She had merely heard the words in her mind. 'Must be 
more tired than I thought,' she thought amusedly. 

After checking the console one more time and determining that 
everything was still running fine, she leaned back into the set, 
willing to allow herself a few minutes of relaxation. Grin could 
handle the driving on his own.

Relaxation was easier sought than attained, however. Duke's 
words kept echoing in her mind, demanding an answer, forcing 
her to pay attention. She didn't *want* to think, didn't want to 
consider the possibilities. She already had more than enough 
regrets, more than enough things she wished everyday she had 
done differently, or not at all. The last thing she needed at this 
point was to count the many regrets of her past.

*What's the matter, Taunny? Afraid of facing us?*

Tanya sighed and gave up. Why did her conscience always 
have to have her sister's voice?

Grin glanced over at her as she sat up again. "Something 
troubles you," he rumbled softly. "Your aura is pensive with 
remembered pain."

Tanya shrugged half-heartedly. "We've all got our little things, 
Grin. I'm afraid mine is just weighing on me a bit heavier than 
usual." She didn't sound very convincing, even to herself, and 
her ever-present allergies added a slight stutter that made her 
sound even less convinced. 

Grin didn't look like he'd bought it for even a second, and 
Tanya supposed he hadn't. For all that Grin seemed to go out 
of his way to be cryptic, he nearly always could read between 
the lines of what others said to find out what they really meant. 
It was extremely annoying.

"I mean, it's just..." she rolled her eyes at her own 
inarticulateness. Some genius. Couldn't get more than two 
words out at a time, it seemed. "Grin do you regret anything?" 
She clamped her beak shut just as the words escaped. That was 
*not* what she had meant to say. Not what she had wanted to 
talk about.

Grin lifted an eyebrow, but his attention remained on the road 
before them. "At times, my regrets seem enough to fill the 
greatest oceans of this planet," he replied. "And at others, I feel 
them to be only enough to create a puddle on a sidewalk. Some 
are fleeting, the troubles of a day, a decision here, a choice 
there, perhaps poorly made, but ultimately inconsequential. 
Others are the voices of my past, those that I carry with me, 
those that I yearn to change."

Sadly enough, that made perfect sense. "I can't even count 
them sometimes. Then, at others, I can forget they existed at 
all. There are some that-" Again she clamped her mouth shut. 
Stars, she *didn't want to talk about this!* So why was she on 
the verge of spilling her guts to Grin? Someone she'd known 
less than six months and *still* could barely carry on a 
conversation with?"

Grin didn't seem to mind her abrupt silence. "My parents died a 
year before the invasion, of old age. Quietly, within weeks of 
each other. I regret that I was not there when it happened."

Tanya gave him a sympathetic glance. "I regret my youth," 
Grin continued. "I was misguided, spoiled. A bully. It took far 
too long for me to learn the error of my ways. But perhaps 
most of all," he continued, "I regret leaving. I know we were 
needed to stop Dragaunus, that our destinies, for now at least, 
are here on Earth, but there are those that I wish I had not been 
forced to abandon."

Abandon. How was it that one word could sum up her feelings 
completely.

"Did you know I had a sister?"

"No."

"Her name is Grace. She was a doctor at Torres Memorial in 
Intor City, married with two kids by the time I was born. She 
was a good person, I know that much about her, but that's 
about it. I've probably met her three times in my entire life, not 
always under very good circumstances." Tanya smiled grimly. 
"My parents were very disappointed in her. She married fresh 
out of Secondary, to a soldier, and put off University for a 
year. They were horrified. It didn't matter much to them that 
she went on to graduate at the top of her class and become one 
of the most respected new doctors in Keltor Province. She 
developped a new method of blood purification and published 
land-breaking articles. Everyone who didn't envy her was in 
awe of her. Mother and Dad... Well, they still couldn't 
overlook what they saw as the mistakes. Marrying a man who 
was 'beneath' her intellectually, putting off her schooling. They 
were pretty harsh in their judgement, and they permanently 
alienated Donald, Grace's husband. Grace never really forgave 
them either."

Tanya stopped herself, taking a deep breath. Her heart was 
pounding, her hands shaking, and she was covered in sweat. 
Part of her was scared to death, but the rest of her was so glad 
to finally day this. Confession was something she had never 
been permitted, and until now she hadn't known anyone she 
was willing to confess to. "Then I made the same mistakes." 
She laughed, a little bitterly. "Actually, I made them worse. I 
was out of Secondary, into University -  I graduated almost six 
years early and was only eighteen, five years younger than 
Grace had been. And I didn't get married." Her voice dropped 
to a mere whisper. "I just got pregnant."

She didn't look at Grin, but watched his reaction from the 
corner of her eye. He didn't so much as blink. "At such a  
young age, it could not have been easy."

"It was hell. Mother and Dad were horrified that I'd be so 
irresponsible - although what exactly they expected is beyond 
me. I was only eighteen, Grin. A rich little girl who'd never 
worked a day for anything outside her grades. I'd never been 
punished for anything. What the hell did I know about 
consequences?" There was a plaintive note to her voice that 
she hated, but she didn't stop as six years of private shame was 
finally revealed. "The father was one of my classmates from 
University. He was twenty, tops, a physics major. Jidran. He 
was... important to me. Maybe I even loved him. I don't know 
anymore. When the baby was born it was decided that I was 
too young to care for a child, that my schooling and my career 
would only be jeopardized. They arranged for a quiet adoption. 
I never even saw the baby. The next day no one said anything 
about it, like it had never happened. As far as my parents were 
concerned, nothing had. I never learned what happened to the 
baby until almost a year later." The memory brought a gentle 
smile to her face even to this day. "Grace called and invited me 
to spend winter break with her and Donald. I accepted, glad 
for any chance to get out of there."

"Grace had two kids by then, Cara and Inna and they were so 
precious. I must have been there less than a week when she 
came home one day with a baby in her arms and handed him to 
me. Before I could ask whose it was she leaned down and 
whispered. 'She can't stay for long. Mother would never 
forgive me if she found out I had anything to do with this.' I 
just stared at her," Tanya admitted. "Grace just smiled and kind 
of patted me on the shoulder. 'Jidran named her Jaydra,' she 
said. The she left the room." Tanya shook her head in 
remembered shock. "I still wasn't sure exactly what was going 
on, but I had picked up on enough to know it was my little girl 
I was holding. It was the best hour of my life, Grin. I can 
remember every second of it. Every word I said. Then Grace 
came back and I had to give her up all over again. But this time 
I got to say good-bye, and that meant the world to me."

Outside it was dark and the stars were bright overhead. Tanya 
watched them. "Grace told me the whole story. How my 
parents had tried to keep the adoption quiet, so that Jidran 
wouldn't interfere. He found out though and went to Grace, 
hoping that as my sister she would be on my side. Grace didn't 
have a clue about it, like I said we almost never saw each 
other. She may not have been on my side, but she definitely 
wasn't on our parents side. She helped Jidran arrange to adopt 
the child by setting up a 'middle-man.' A second family, friends 
of Grace's, would adopt Jaydra, then once everything was 
settled and my parents were completely out of the picture,  
they turned her over to Jidran. He named her Jaydra - after the 
heroine in my favorite movie. I never saw either of them after 
that night at Grace's, not until I moved out of my parents house 
and got a place of my own, the *second* I turned twenty. 
Then I started getting pictures, letters. Jidran called sometimes. 
We were going to meet, so I could visit Jaydra again, but.." she 
shrugged. "The Saurians came and I never got to see them 
again." She closed her eyes and turned away. "Not quite what 
you were expecting, huh?"

"Not quite," Grin agreed. "You still blame yourself?"

"Why shouldn't I?" she demanded.

"What you need to ask yourself," Grin asked quietly, "is what it 
is you are blaming yourself for. Do you blame yourself for a 
mistake of judgement, a youthful indiscretion? Or do you 
blame yourself for allowing the consequences to be controlled 
by someone else?"

Tanya stared at him, feeling numb with shock. "How do you do 
that Grin?" she asked numbly. "Take a problem that's haunted 
me for six years and suddenly make it clear?"

Because Grin was right. Her relationship with Jidran had been 
a mistake, but one she could have lived with. Getting pregnant 
was just stupid and irresponsible, but given the chance she 
would gladly have taken on the responsibility and the extra 
work that would have resulted. She didn't blame herself for 
that. She blamed herself for not having the chance, for letting 
Mother and Dad take away the decision, just as they had every 
other in her life. She hated herself for not standing up to them.

"Is it that simple?" Please say yes, pleasepleasepleaseplease...

Grin favored her with a gentle smile. "No." 

Of course not.

"Tell me, Tanya, what of this story you have told me would 
you change, had you the opportunity?"

"The ending," she whispered softly. "I'd never have given her 
up... For what good it does me now, Grin. Would if I could 
doesn't have much to do with the real world."

"But it has everything to do with you," he replied. "Tell me you 
don't look back on this, and see it differently now."

She knew she was in a losing battle, had been from the first 
instant she opened her mouth. "I do."

"That's all the difference, isn't it?"

Her throat was suddenly dry, her eyes wet and her chest tight. 
"It is, Grin. Thank you."

Outside, the lights of Anaheim began to block out the stars.


End